Stop Letting Fear of Failure Hold You Back
What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?
Would you launch that business, ask for a promotion, or finally write your novel? Would you go after the dreams you've been putting off for years?
Often what holds us back from pursuing our goals isn't a lack of talent, time, or resources.
It's fear. Fear that if we try, we'll fail.
And what will that failure say about us? About our worth and value as a person?
But not taking chances protects us from growth just as much as from danger. We may be safe, but we're also stuck.
In this article, I explore fear of failure - what it is, how it holds us back, and how to start taking action even when it's scary.
What is Fear of Failure?
When people talk about "fear of failure," it sounds pretty straightforward. No one likes messing up or falling short of their goals. And who wants to put time and energy into something that isn't successful in the end?
But fear of failure runs deeper. It speaks to what we think failure says about who we are as a person.
Failure feels like it confirms every bad thought we've ever had about ourselves. Like it's direct proof that we're not smart, capable, or good enough to have the life we want.
So fear of failure is not just about avoiding specific negative outcomes (like not getting our dream job or grade point average) but avoiding threats to our self-worth.
If we avoid risk, we avoid potential embarrassment, disappointment, and rejection. And we hold onto the vision that we can still succeed, some day, when we actually follow through.
The idea of trying, and potentially failing, feels scarier than never trying at all.
Where Does Fear of Failure Come From?
Sometimes we're well aware that we're stalled because of fear of failure.
But this fear can also play out in subtler ways that we may not realize are happening.
Here’s some examples:
Procrastination: Putting off starting a task, because starting means facing the chance of not doing it well.
Perfectionism: Refusing to share work until it’s flawless, which usually means never sharing it at all.
Leaving things unfinished: Abandoning projects right before the finish line so you never have to see how they land.
Avoiding opportunities: Not applying for a promotion, scholarship, or program because the thought of being rejected feels unbearable.
Downplaying goals: Saying, "I didn't really want that anyway" when deep down, you did.
Sticking to the familiar: Staying in a job, routine, or comfort zone because trying something new feels too risky.
Overthinking decisions: Running through endless "what if" scenarios and never actually making a choice.
Letting others lead: Stepping back so you don't have to risk being responsible if something goes wrong.
Self-sabotage: Missing deadlines, forgetting commitments, or under-preparing. Basically creating excuses so you can say, "Well, I didn't really try."
Playing it small: Taking on only the tasks you know you'll succeed at while avoiding ones that stretch you.
Comparing yourself to others: Talking yourself out of trying because someone else already seems better at it.
Each of these scenarios likely protects us from the chance of failing. But at the cost of growh, progress, and self-trust.
Where Does Fear of Failure Come From?
Fear of failure doesn't appear out of nowhere. It's shaped by our experiences, beliefs, personalities, and social environments.
Let's consider 3 common factors.
Early experiences
We first learn how to think about failure as kids. Maybe you grew up in a household where mistakes and shortfalls brought intense criticism, shame, or punishment. Over time, you associated failure with danger and learned to protect yourself.
Or maybe you were sheltered from ever taking risks and making mistakes. So you haven't had the chance to build resilience by seeing that you can mess up, move on, and grow from failures.
Perfectionism
When self-esteem is tied to achievement, failure feels personal. It's not just about a missed opportunity, it feels like a statement on your identity. This is why people dealing with perfectionism often fear failure.
Cultural and social pressures
Competition is baked into our culture. Time and again, we see successful outcomes like top grades or first-place finishes rewarded over effort and improvement.
Social media can amplify this theme by presenting curated images of achievement, convincing us that everyone else is succeeding effortlessly. In this environment, failure feels more like a weakness than a natural step toward growth.
Struggling with fear of failure? Here are 6 tips to help you move forward despite it.
How to Move Forward When You Fear Failure
Unpack your beliefs about failure
Pause to reflect on the assumptions you're making about failure.
What do you believe failure says about you? What do you think will happen if you take action but don't reach your goal?
Where do you think those beliefs or fears come from - childhood, school, work, cultural messages?
If you're automatically associating failure with shame and embarrassment, it makes sense that you'd avoid it whatever the costs. But this isn't the only (or most helpful) way to understand failure.
Reframe what it means to fail
Keep in mind the possible benefits of failure. There's so much we can gain from these experiences, including:
Clarity and feedback: Failure shows us what doesn't work, helping us to adjust and try again with better insight.
Resilience: Every time we bounce back, we strengthen our ability to handle future challenges.
Creativity: Setbacks often force us to think outside the box and discover new approaches we wouldn't have tried otherwise.
Growth and learning: We usually learn more from mistakes than from easy wins, because they push us to reflect and adapt.
Confidence to try again: Once you survive failure, it often feels less scary the next time. You see from experience that it's not the end of the world.
Stronger problem-solving skills: Working through obstacles develops persistence and resourcefulness.
Redirection: Sometimes failure is a sign that we're on the wrong path, and it nudges us toward opportunities better suited for us.
Picture all the possibilities
When visualizing the future, we usually default to seeing only negative outcomes in all their vivid detail.
But what if we take a risk and something positive happens? What if we actually reach our goals, or discover other rewards along the way?
Positive outcomes can be just as likely to happen as worst-case scenarios. So be intentional about imagining these possibilities too.
Focus on the next step
One reason why fear of failure feels so overwhelming is that we zoom out too far. We picture the entire journey leading to our big goals, with too many "what ifs" along the way.
Instead, shift your focus to the very next step.
What’s the smallest action you can take right now? For example: Write the first paragraph, send one email, make some rough notes, or research a specific fact.
This approach can help you break an "all-or-nothing" mindset.
You don't need to figure out the whole project all at once. You just need to keep moving forward, one step at a time. Those steps add up, even if the final picture looks different than you originally imagined.
Practice exposing yourself to failure
An effective way to reduce fear is to face it gradually. Just like someone might overcome a fear of heights by starting with a low ladder, you can ease into failure by practicing it in small, low-stakes ways.
What are some little things you could do to put yourself out there? Maybe signing up for a new class, sharing something you created with a friend, or asking for what you want at work instead of assuming the answer is "no."
The more you experience failure, the less power it holds over you.
Do it anyway
Send the application. Speak up. Share your work.
Waiting for fear to disappear could mean waiting forever. Remember that you can feel afraid and still move forward toward your goals. Courage isn't the absence of fear, it means taking action despite it.
Procrastination Course Now Available
Having trouble moving forward? Check out my course on procrastination
Get Things Done Not Perfect: Working Through Procrastination & Perfectionism
Learn hands-on strategies to help you move from feeling stuck to taking action
About Dr. Marnie Rogers-de Jong
My goal is to help people who feel overwhelmed by anxiety and perfectionism overcome their fears, embrace their unique strengths, and feel more content with who they are. I’m a Registered Doctoral Psychologist with a PhD in Counselling Psychology. I’m also the founder of Navigation Psychology, located in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.
Registered Psychologists in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Interested in starting counselling? Navigation Psychology offers in-person counselling in Saskatoon and virtual services across the province of Saskatchewan. We support clients dealing with a variety of concerns, including anxiety, perfectionism, depression, trauma, and relationship issues. Get started by booking a free 20-minute consultation call.
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